Review for Tuesday - 01/03/2006 by Steve

I brought this wine after sampling it generously on New Year's Eve. Whether it was the half cooked meat simmering in the fondue pot or the presence of in-laws, I found this red to be very drinkable and thought it worthy of a full review. This Spanish Red was described eloquently as the "Harry Potter of Wines" by Ssezi (Copyright J.K. Rowling, all rights reserved), although I do not believe that Ssezi intended to imply that this wine would expose children to sinister peril from beyond the grave every other year. Instead, we unanimously found this red to be a widely consumable, inoffensive crowd pleaser. Bill considered this was to be a "grape juice lemonade kind of wine that had more character than two wines we had last week that had no character." At $12, although neither special nor complex, we found it to be tasty and pleasant with very light oak and cherry accents.

This is Cheap Red Wine. If you can't tell, the preceding period is bolded, underlined, italicized, and shadowed in 3D. It had no detectable date of manufacture on the label. At $5.99 this wine name means what it says, and it said something about your mother. Let me put it this way. When someone says something about your mother you're probably mildly offended but a good sport. You may even laugh. But you definitely wouldn't pay someone to talk about your momma, and you're probably equally likely to react violently, fight back, or storm off. By now you should be examining the wine glasses below and - hey, look at that - your momma's so dumb that she fell out of a tree while raking leaves! See what I mean? Anyway, most Winers thought Cheap Red Wine was non-offensive and certainly not worth recommending. Chris actually thought this wine was okay at first but had to reevaluate his early thoughts as the taste deteriorated quickly. We all thought it was bland with little to no character. Personally, I thought it tasted like wine-soaked cardboard. Perhaps I was a little hard on Cheap Red Wine, but we felt you could do a lot better if you spent $2 to $3 more.

We all agreed that this Cab was full of spice, similar to Shiraz, and John thought it would be a great pick for those who love'a da spice. Rich added that the silky taste is thick on the palette with a nice aroma and would accompany a steak very nicely. It's got lots of berry and we rated it very highly overall. Bill thought it had a weak finish, but was overall a pleasant drink and he was only a marginal not-buy. I enjoyed this wine greatly, but at $17 ($15 on sale) I would probably look elsewhere simply because wine price tags over $14.99 make me squeamish even though Bill got me to agree that if the situation were right I'd definitely spring for a more expensive bottle. All in all, the group thought it was an excellent wine, and if the price were somewhere between $10 and $12 we would all be willing to buy this wine.

Greg Norman. An accomplished, Australian professional golfer known as The Shark, Mr. Norman is a perennial crowd favorite known for his aggressive play and uncanny, tragic finishes. His quest for golf's ultimate prize, the golden jacket, has been denied time and time again through a combination of bad luck, bad play, and fate (source: [http://www.ausgolf.com.au/theshark.htm](http://www.ausgolf.com.au/theshark.htm)). And now he makes wine. Hopefully my brief introduction has not swayed you away from sampling his vino because it is typically very good, especially the Australian variants bearing his name. The Winers thought the same of this offering. Eerily though, a few Winers thought that Greg came up short on the finish here too. John politely said the finish was nice, but not long, Ssezi voiced Norman's "Always a bride's maid, never a bride" curse, and Bill commented that the wine had a "fading finish". Overall this 2002 Shiraz got 4 "drink and buys" out of six, and no one would decline the experience. One Winer even called it sexy and alluded to another's mother, albeit shortly after the audio clip ended.

I must say that I'm extremely conflicted by this summary. The devil on my shoulder is telling me to describe, in unabashed terms, just how vulgar this review got after the tape stopped. I mean, just look at the name of this Port, Cockburn - it's waaaay too easy. On the other hand, the angel on my shoulder tells me to take the high road. In compromise, I've decided to just settle for typing "Cockburn" as much as possible during this review - mostly to entertain myself. Port is a dessert wine that should be consumed in moderate amounts. I myself poured a regular-sized glass and could not finish it. A few Winers expressed their distain for the "sweet, syrupy taste of Cockburn" and Rich thought that, despite its harsh aroma, its taste was mild in comparison to other ports. John wasn't as nice as Rich, and thought its odor was best compared to dry erase marker. Overall, we flatly rejected Cockburn, although Ssezi thought there could be merit to Cockburn from time to time. I can only speculate that the lack of toilet bowl ratings is due to our inexperience with Ports. In the end, I think Chris summed up this Port nicely. "The only true protection from Cockburn is abstinence."